Being a Mom

Why do people never tell you that being a mom is tough? Don't get me wrong, it is wonderful and I love my boys more than life itself. But some days I go to bed exhausted and down. I used to think that I was a bad mom if I admitted that I am tired, but here I am admitting it. I am tired. I have to figure out that balance between my boys and myself. I have to start taking care of myself. This past year has been really really tough on me.

This heart thing that I have its driving me nuts. I have been trying everything to de-stress and calm down so my heart doesn't skip beats and all that. Luckily my panic attacks have somewhat subsided and I am feeling a little better in that regards, but I have got to get myself physically and emotionally back to where I was a year and a half ago. Its just been a hard time. I can't wait to get back to the fleet and get some good girlfriends to go out with. Everyone around us here are in their late 40's, not that there is anything wrong with that but I'm about to be 25 and I don't really want to hang out with someone my mom's age.

I'm ready to close this chapter in my life (recruiting duty and away from the fleet) and move on and be able to enjoy life and my kids again. But I am so worn out, burnt out, and all that...I just need to learn how to pull myself together and keep on trucking.